Generational cycles

What happens in one generation often repeats itself in the next. The choices one generation makes will always affect the next generation to come.

Oftentimes we don’t realize the power our family has on our lives. We often think we are acting upon our own decisions but in all reality we are really repeating our family’s history from generations before. It’s crucial to reflect HONESTLY on our families history and decide what’s healthy and what’s not. We look at our families NOT TO POINT OUT FLAWS but to get a realistic picture so we can grow and to heal no longer allowing those unhealthy traits to hold us back.

Some common patterns we see happening from one generation to the next are:

-sexual abuse

-addiction

-teen pregnancy

-cut offs in relationships

-unhealthy communication skills

-physical abuse

-incarceration(this is another topic!)

The list goes on and on!

I’ve familiar with all of these and I’ve had to work on a lot of generational curses that have been passed down to me and I continue to do so. One of the hardest ones I continue to battle with is communication. Growing up I didn’t see healthy and effective communication. I didn’t see my family having a conflict and working to find a solution. Once a conflict arises, it often led to yelling, violence or avoidance. Either way it never got settled. We all know we can’t cut off everybody we disagree with and if we do, it’s not healthy. We were meant to do life together with people and to live in unity. (Easier said than done I know.) We have to VALUE the people in our lives and fight for the people we love. Way too often lack of communication shows up between my fiance and I because we are learning how to develop that skill still. Learning how to address our problems, realizing it’s okay to have conflict and MAKING TIME to discuss the problem is key.

I think about what unhealthy traits am I passing onto my children. Will my children struggle in their relationships because they never learned how to handle conflict in a healthy way? That’s not something I want to pass on!

I was a teen mom. That wasn’t new for my family, my mother was a teen mom as well. I wasn’t ready to be a mother in high school, so of course I had no idea how to love my child the way she deserved to be loved. We struggled in many ways in the beginning and whether I like to admit it or not, that will have an affect on her. She practically watched me become and adult! Do I want my child to be a teen mom? NO! I didn’t break the cycle but I know that the cycle has to end here.

You didn’t have control over your parents repeating that generational cycle with you, but YOU HAVE THE POWER TO BREAK IT. I can say this with nothing but confidence and certainty because I’m consciously choosing to do just that everyday. Let’s stop blaming our parents for the decisions they’ve made and at the same time continuing to make the same choices because we think we have no choice!

Breaking the generational cycle isn’t easy but it can be done. We have to be intentional! Be intentional about your future! Be aware of what your passing on to the next generation. It really is life or death. It’s never too late to start. Let’s teach our children’s children how to have actual victory in their lives and not keep falling victim to the pain of the past.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.”

-Albert Einstein

3 thoughts on “Generational cycles

  1. This was a good read. As someone who knew you then and shared a bit of what you went through, I can certainly say you’ve come a long way.

    Like

  2. I communicate really poorly in my marriage and I know it! I know its a big frustration for my husband too. Its so easy to look back and say “well that’s because my mom was divorced twice and all I ever saw between her and my dad and stepdad was fighting so I don’t know anything different”. Its true but its also true that we can learn differently, that we can teach our children differently!

    Like

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