We live in a world today where we are always looking for more. Always trying to do more. Always chasing something. Always trying to be better. Always trying to compete. Majority of us always end of dissatisfied to say the least. Of course there’s nothing wrong with wanting to do better and be better. Those are important but society has a way of making us feel so ‘behind‘ like we aren’t doing enough.
Dreams/goals/passions are all important. It’s important to continue to be the best that you can be. But how often do you actually feel accomplished when you reach that goal? When you reach a goal what is your first thought!? How good you feel? Or how good others make you feel? Make sure you ask yourself WHY are you trying to achieve that goal. Is it for you or society? I remember when I started working out a few years ago, my goal was to lose 20lbs. I worked out almost everyday, counting my calorie intake, eating healthy, I mean really putting in the work day in and day out. I was proud of myself. It was rewarding to see results. I did feel good everyday but I remember never being happy when I looked in the mirror. I remember still not liking the way I looked. I remember thinking NOW I”M TOO SKINNY. I wished my arms were toner. I remember still wishing I had a different shape. Now before I started working out I thought I was fat, and if I just lost some weight, I would be happy and when I got there it wasn’t what I pictured. I had a different expectation in my head of what I thought I should look like. It was all an illusion. It’s all like a mirage. A mirage is an optical illusion caused by atmospheric conditions, especially the appearance of a sheet of water in a desert or on a hot road caused by the refraction of light from the sky by heated air. You see the image ahead of you and when you get there it’s gone. Majority of us live our lives like this everyday. We have this idea of what we want and when we just get there, we will be complete or we will have this ‘feelingof success.’ That’s why interviewers always ask celebrities “How does it feel?” How does it feel to reach this certain level of success? Because we think that it should feel a certain way when you reach a certain level but honestly it doesn’t. You may feel accomplished for a moment but the moment is quickly gone and your already on to the next ‘feeling.’
Another illusion we see often is being hesitant. Hesitant on our dreams, hesitant on that next step in life. Hesitant on making the next move because we feel like we have to accomplish more goals before we try to reach the next level. We often sell ourselves short and think that we aren’t capable of doing something yet. We say WHEN I get to this point in life, THEN i can become this person! We treat ourselves like we are lacking in some specific area that is stopping us from making any more progress. We are always waiting for the right time to do something! This is an illusion as well.
I’m reminded today that I have everything I need right now. With everything that I lack or don’t lack I can be grateful and feel complete right here in this moment. I constantly say in conversation with others and to myself, that WHEN I get more money, then our family will be okay. When I get this certain amount of money in the bank, THEN I can do this. When I get to this level in my job, THEN everything will be okay. When my kids get older and more mature, THEN life won’t be so stressful. It’s all an illusion! Life will always have obstacles in your way. Something will always pop up.
LORD AND SAVIOR
Even if you reach all of those goals, that “complete‘ feeling will not last. Why does it go away so quickly? Because you can NEVER feel complete in the things of this world. No amount of money or material things will make you feel complete. Maybe for just a moment but it will pass. That’s why people seek validation from other people so they can get reassurance that they are successful or heading in the right direction. Only you can determine that!
Our Creator made us to be complete in Him. All of these material things will pass. We can’t take them when we leave this earth. None of it will matter. All the clothes you have in your closet won’t matter when you pass away. All the cars in your driveway won’t matter when you leave this earth. What really matters is WHAT WE DO WITH what God has trusted us with while we are on earth. Have you ever realized that the things that you can’t see make you feel complete?! Love is fulfilling! Laughter is fulfilling! When you spend time with people you care about it’s a rewarding feeling! When you give that time that you feel like you don’t have to other people, it can be so rewarding. Why? Because God wired us like this. We were never meant to try to be fulfilled with the things of this earth, we were meant to be fulfilled with people and to fulfill others. The things of this earth are RESOURCES. God is our SOURCE.
I’ve lived in an illusion for many years. Society constantly telling me that I have to do more and be more for validation. Stop living in the illusion. Stop running to the mirage expecting to receive water! It will always be dry. It will never fulfill. Jesus is the living water!
Today I write this to acknowledge the invisible heroes we have in our life that we don’t even see as heroes. The people sacrificing everyday and gets no recognition. I acknowledge you. I see you. I hear you. To the people who give and give and get nothing back in return. I’m talking to the women. The mothers. The wives. The step mothers. The foster moms. I’m talking to the people who have made it their life to live for their family. I’m talking to the strong women out in the world who has the weight on their shoulders. I’m talking to the mothers who are up all night with their sick child comforting them. I’m talking to the women who cook dinner and clean up the dishes and clear the table after everybody else goes back to doing what they enjoy. I’m talking to the grandmothers who are raising their children’s children. I’m talking to the women who is expected to provide for the family everyday without help. I’m talking to the mothers who makes three different types of sandwiches because all three kids like something different. I’m talking to the wives and mothers who spend their days giving to their family and forget to give to their self. I’m talking to the women who have lost their identity because they spent all their time investing in other people. I’m talkingto me.
Women are by far the greatest human beings in the world and yet they barely get the acknowledgement that they deserve. We get one day out of the year to celebrate us but it’s hardly enough. We work all year long and don’t get paid for what we do. Not to mention if we have jobs outside of the house as well. We are taken for granted on a daily basis and ask for very little in between. We love. We love hard. We cry. We give. We laugh. We always see the big picture and that’s often what keeps us going. But what we often fail to realize is WE ARE HUMAN! And apparently others forget that we are human as well. We forget that we need rest so we continue to go like we don’t and others get the same expectation from us.
Give these women a break! Take a day to reflect on all that these women do for you! They need it! They need to know that they are seen. They need to know that you appreciate it. They need to know they are LOVED! Let them know that all their hard work and sacrifice does not go unnoticed! But more than anything else, offer to help them! Take some weight off their shoulders! HELP THEM! You have no idea what it means to just offer help.
Ladies plan a day for YOU this week. Just do it! Whatever you want to do. Make time for you. If it’s taking a nap or reading a book, make that time for you this week. You deserve it.
I broke down today and cried in the shower. I felt all the weight on my shoulders today. I felt invisible. I felt like nobody cared. I feel like I give and give to my family and nobody thinks to give back to me. I feel like the expectations of me are too high but yet I am to have no expectations for anybody else. I feel all the pressure today. I cried today and I almost stayed in that place. But then I had the thought that I am not alone. I know there is someone else out there who feels the same way I do. I know that there has been many women before me who have struggled the same way I am today. I decided to write a blog to knowledge the invisible heroes who don’t wear capes, who look like normal people but who saves people lives everyday.
To the hardworking women who are never acknowledged. I see you. I hear you. I feel your pain. I cry with you. YOU ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE. You can’t see the seeds you have planted growing yet but you will. Other people will eat from your garden because the seeds you planted. You are one of a kind and you are special. I see you today. You got this!
Expectations-the act or state of expecting: believing that something is going to happen or believing that something should be a certain way
Everyday we have many expectations. Expectations of people, expectations of ourselves, expectations of how the day will go etc. Majority of our expectations are unconscious. We have no idea that we have the expectation until we are disappointed. Not only that but we have unrealistic expectations. Expectations in ourselves and in other people that could never possibly be met. Unknowingly a lot of our conflict in relationships are because of unrealistic expectations. It’s the thoughts we create in our heads that never are spoken out loud to the people we have the expectations with and it creates a lot of frustration to say the least.
Expectations come from many different sources: TV, internet, friends, celebrities, family, movies etc. It’s important to evaluate your expectations and determine if they are even realistic or is it something you seen that wasn’t even real. I continued having this problem and I couldn’t figure out why this was constantly a problem! When I sat and thought about it I realized I have high expectations! I have high expectations of other people because I have high expectations of myself! But honestly no matter what standard I set for myself, I cannot have the same standard for everyone else unfortunately.
The purpose of this blog is to to recognize whether certain expectations are valid or not, and to clarify our expectations with the people we interact with, so we can minimize conflict that could of been easily prevented.
Here are a few examples of expectations I have throughout the day: and when I say a few I mean it!…. because I have MANY!
I expect the house to be spotless at all times
I expect the kids to behave at all times
I expect everybody I come in contact with throughout the day to be polite and respectful
I expect to have nothing go wrong throughout my day. It should go perfect as i planned it
As you can see I could go on and on with this list. Every single one of these expectations are unrealistic. And what’s funnier is when you write down these expectations that you have that nobody else knows about, you realize how ridiculous they sound. As I wrote my list of expectations I laughed at myself for even having them. Here’s what’s wrong with these expectations:
I have a family that lives in the house so why would I even expect the house to be spotless? This is a unconscious expectation. I don’t even realize I have this expectation until I come home to a dirty home and I’m disappointed.
Once again I have children who are children. lol. I can’t expect them to behave at all times. They are learning how to be adults and as a parent it’s my job to teach them. This is a unrealistic expectation that will never be met.
Why would I expect everybody in the world to be respectful to me and treat me the way I wanted to be treated? We are all humans and we have bad days and good days. We never know what’s going on in someones life. I cannot expect for people to be perfect and not offend me. It’s going to happen. Don’t even have this expectation. Just expect for people to offend you, and when they do you can respond differently instead of reacting to everything.
Things go wrong everyday. Expect it to go wrong and adjust how you will respond to the situation when it goes wrong.
I took a class at my church a few years back called “Emotionally healthy relationships” and it was mind blowing to learn that majority of our expectations are invalid. The authors of this book said that Expectations are ONLY valid when they have been mutually agreed upon. Has the person agreed to the expectation you have? A simple example would be that I expect my husband to have the dishes done when I come home. Did I ask him to do the dishes before I get home? Did he agree that he would do them? Have we ever sat down and talked about who has responsibility of what in the house? These things have to be agreed upon otherwise how does the other person know I have this expectation? I agree we often think that some things are common sense stuff that shouldn’t have to be talked about but honestly one persons common sense isn’t the same as the other persons.
I’m learning that I have entirely too many expectations that no one knows about, not even me! I’m currently putting my expectations in check! They’re constantly disappointing me. I have to sit down with myself and realize what expectation is healthy and what isn’t. And that’s okay, I have to start somewhere and evaluating my expectations is a perfect start. Anybody else tired of being disappointed? Chances are you have expectations that haven’t been spoken. Sit down and write down some of your expectations that you have, you’d be surprised!
Having an attitude of peace and calm in the midst of any chaos is priceless and often challenging but it can be done. Have you ever seen someone who just seems to be cool no matter the situation? I don’t know many people like that but there’s a guy that comes to mind. I absolutely love to be around this guy. He’s the calmest person I know. Through every ugly situation, he immediately sees the beauty in it. If there’s tension in the room he immediately breaks it. He cracks a joke or does everything in his power to make you smile. Whatever is thrown this guys way hes prepared to catch it and turn it into something better. I personally think this guy has found his power of peace.
How do we get this power of peace? Here’s a few things I think are needed;
Thermometer<Thermostat. A thermometer adjusts to the temperature of the room. It goes up and it goes down according to the reading. A thermostat is set to a temperature. At home we set the thermostat and it makes the room adjust to that temperature and not the other away around. Set your mind on peace no matter the circumstances.
Guard your heart.Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it. If we allow other peoples hurtful words enter in to our hearts than we become hurtful people as well. The same concept applies to everything we do. We have to be aware of what we are allowing to enter into our minds. Know your standards. Know your values! If it isn’t your values, stay away from it. Be aware of what you watch and what you listen to. A lot of times we don’t think what we are watching or listening to is harmful but watch or listen to it long enough and it becomes who we are.
Silence/Stillness/Prayer We have to have time to ourselves. I often go from one thing to the next never stopping to just be with myself. There is so many things that happen in the day that I don’t evaluate to determine what I would do differently tomorrow or what I did do well that day. Reflection of the day is important. I personally like to reflect on my day and pray to GOD to help me in areas that I need help in or to thank him for the things that took place in the day. Either way I like to be alone at some part of the day to reflect, pause, breath etc. After all a single day only holds 24 hours but many single days makes up our life.
Grateful Grateful Grateful1 Thessalonians 5 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus We cannot get anywhere without this! How can you have peace in your heart if you are full of hate? We have to focus on the good things in our life. Focusing on the things we don’t have or don’t like about our life has a gravitational pull that’s constantly pulling us to focus on it. Everywhere we go we are surrounded by how good everybody else’s life (looks) on social media.
We tend to be in a mind state of.. “if I get that car my life will be great”….”If my kids would just act like this(insert perfect child characteristic)…then I’d be happy.”…..”if my husband treated me like this…then our marriage would be great”…..You get the point. I find myself doing this constantly and this is the quickest way to lose power of peace. There’s no peace in ungratefulness.
LoveMatthew 5:44 Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! The idea of not having to love other people has put us farther away from having peace. We HAVE to love. No it’s not easy! There are some people in the world that makes it hard to be lovable. Don’t allow someone else ugliness and bitterness make you ugly and bitter too. As Martin Luther King Jr said, “Hate can not drive out hate. Only love can do that.” Continue to love no matter what.
We cannot have peace in just hoping we have peace. Peace is a choice. I have to set my mind EVERYDAY to have peace. I’ve allowed other people as well as the daily events of life to have the power of my peace for too long and it’s time I take it back. Not just today, but everyday I’m choosing to keep the peace within that only I possess the power of.
Anybody who wants to know more about the power of peace biblically, this is a great video.
I can remember like it was yesterday. I don’t exactly remember what day it was specifically but the last week of June 2018 I can literally remember feeling empty inside. Feeling lost and confused with no sense of direction. I was driving in my car and thinking to myself that there has got to be more to life than just……this. I was mentally tired. I was drained from the every-days of life. Becoming victim to a routine, walking around like a zombie with no purpose or plan for my future. That’s where I found myself this particular day. To be honest that’s where I found myself most days. But on this day I finally decided to admit it to myself. Don’t get me wrong I had a typical regularly good life. I had a family, I had a house, car, good job, weekends off, all the things people typically want…but I can still remember feeling empty inside. I remember talking to my husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) in the car and asking, “Isn’t there supposed to be more to this?” I kept getting trapped with this thought that I have everything I ever wanted, and now that I have it, I’m still not happy! Why aren’t I happy? Isn’t this what I wanted? The next thing I said, was more of a joke but surprisingly serious at the same time. “Maybe we need Jesus” that’s what I told my husband and that’s when he mentioned a church he went to before, and said we could check it out the following Sunday.
JULY 1, 2018
That weekend looked quite different for us. We would usually stay up late on Saturday, and sleep in Sunday. That Sunday we woke up early, realizing we were already dreading it, got everybody ready for church(realized we had no church clothes) put on the best thing we could find and went to the 10’oclock service. I remember being uncomfortable, I remember feeling awkward, feeling out of place and not knowing really what to think or what to expect. I previously went to church a few times as a young kid with some friends but overall I don’t come from a church background. I was way out of my element but let me tell you I will NEVER forget the pastors sermon. He was telling a story about when he was younger, his grandmother would drink coffee. Back in those days they would have the coffee cup on top of a saucer so when the coffee would spill over, it would land on the saucer. He said his grandmother would let him drink the coffee that would leak over the cup onto the saucer. He started relating that “coffee” spilling over onto the saucer as the same as our “joy”. He said that having a relationship with Jesus will provide so much joy in our hearts that it wouldoverflowonto others! I remember thinking I WANT THAT JOY! I couldn’t even imagine so much joy that it would be overflowing out of my heart! At that very moment I barely had joy for myself let alone others! I knew right then and there, that I wanted that! I wasn’t sure what “that” was, but I knew I wanted to have it. That day forward I started pursuing that type of joy. I wasn’t quite sure how to get it, but I wanted it, and I was willing to change anything that got in the way from getting it.
A New Normal
From that day forward, we attended church every Sunday. Our children started getting involved in the classes and the activities, and they really enjoyed it. We met SO many loving people, people who seemed to generally care. The church offered so many classes, classes that we really needed and we started getting more involved. Reading the word and spending time with God became normal in our house. Starting the day in prayer, thanking God for all he’s done for us became the routine. We quickly realized that this is exactly what we were missing. Surrounding ourselves around positive people, people who prayed for us, and really cared about us. LOVE!! We were missing LOVE! Of course we loved before we attended church but we didn’t have much INTENTIONAL love. The kind of love you do on purpose. This is exactly what God is. LOVE! It really didn’t take long for me to literally start overflowing with joy. My attitude was 10x better, I was excited to start my days, and I was truly enjoying spending time with my family every moment I got. I became GRATEFUL for life. I was reminded that life is a gift, to not take it for granted, and to love with all your heart. Way too often we treat life like we will never die, or acting as if we decide when we want to go. When you realize that you are only on this earth a short period of time(compared to eternity) you start to value your life much more, and you start to want to make the best of your days while you’re here. That’s what the church did for me. It showed me a different life. A life worth living. Every time someone we know dies, it’s a reminder of how fragile our lives are and how quickly it can and will be taken away. It’s a scary thought about dying and leaving the people you love behind. This is something I struggled with also so when I discovered what Jesus represented for death I quickly realized how powerful he is and what that meant for me.
Before I started pursuing Christ I was bitter, angry(half the time had no idea why) and constantly struggling to find purpose. To be honest I wasn’t even aware that I was struggling with these things. I never paid attention to my emotions long enough to know. Discovering that we were made for God’s plan and not our own puts things in a whole new perspective for me and it changed my life. We become God’s clay, to mold us and shape us into what He wants us to become and I was more than ready to allow God to do so. So that’s what I started doing. Praying, reading the bible and learning God’s word. Learning who He is, and how to follow him. I used the bible app that has so many different translations and it made it easier to actually understand what I was reading. There really was no excuse not to read the bible, and I actually enjoyed it. God gave me life again.
I’ll be honest, pursuing Christ isn’t easy. There’s days you don’t want to pursue Christ. There’s days where you want to do life your own way. But doing life ‘your way’ will never be as satisfying as following Christ. I did life ‘my way’ for 27 years, and all it got me is a lot of hurt, a lot of regret and in a lot of debt. We’re always trying to make things happen in our own power in our own time, and were often frustrated because we don’t get very far. God says to take from his power. His power never runs dry. We as humans only have so much energy. God is limitless. He tells us to draw near to him, and he will draw near to us. Learning that God cared about me and truly believing it for myself was ground breaking. One of the amazing things I love about God is he doesn’t force us to follow him. He gives us the choice. He gives us free will. When we come to him it’s because we want to and not because he made us. At the end of the day you have the choice to follow God, or to follow the world. I now choose to follow God and it really is the best decision I’ve ever made.
I can’t go back to before knowing God and I don’t want to. There’s days where I slip up and not be my best of course and that’s okay. There’s many days where I have to acknowledge the ugly inside of me and the things that are wrong. The Word of God forces us to look inward at ourselves first instead of constantly judging outward onto others. When you read the Word of God you quickly see you have no right to judge others. We are imperfect people. You learn the power of forgiveness. God forgives us of our sins, he’s gives us mercy and grace everyday when we don’t deserve it, and he asks us to give that same forgiveness to others! That’s hard for a lot of us. It definitely was for me. If somebody hurts you bad enough, the last thing you want to do is to forgive them. I completely get that, been there before many times, but I quickly realized that not forgiving someone else, only hurts ME and nobody else. I’m currently taking a class in my church called “Resolving everyday conflict” and in the book it says something so powerful that really changes the way you think about forgiveness. The quote says “Unforgiveness is the poison we drink hoping someone else will die.” In other words If I don’t forgive I’ll end up being the bitter one, angry because of what somebody did to me, hoping that by me not forgiving the other person, they will hurt like I do. All i end up doing though is carrying the pain with me in my current and future relationships. God revealed to me the pain I was carrying all these years because of not forgiving and helped me to truly forgive.
January 6 2019
This is the day my husband and I got baptized. We were ready to let go of the old and become new. This day was my commitment to live my life to the best of my ability for God and not for myself. After only five months of going to church, I knew that I was ready to give my life to Christ. I knew that I was ready to start living for something bigger than myself. I was ready to do what He had called me to do. It really has been an amazing journey so far. Definitely not saying that it’s been easy sailing because it hasn’t but I’ve seen God in my life everywhere, as well as in my past. Looking back on my life, I see where he’s been protecting me. When things were meant to destroy me it didn’t, I now thank God for. I don’t consider myself lucky anymore or say that anything is of coincidence. I have a creator who has been with me way before I knew that he was and I’m so grateful for that.
My favorite story to tell that is so special to me is ONE MONTH after I got baptized, February 6, 2019 I found my sister. My mother gave her up for adoption when she was born, so my whole life I knew I had a sister somewhere. I looked for her for years, and had no luck. Exactly one month after getting baptized I found her. I reached out to her, having no idea if she would even want to talk to me. I prayed to God, hoped for the best, and gave it to God to handle the rest. To my surprise she wanted a relationship with me. Since then just recently September 2, 2020 I met my sister for the first time. We cried, we laughed, we got to know each other and now have a relationship that I hope to continue to grow.
September 5, 2020 I married my best friend, something that would of NEVER happened if we didn’t allow Christ into our lives. Before Christ, marriage wasn’t a topic we talked about. We couldn’t even get along half the time but even if we did, marriage wasn’t important to us. Society made marriage seem pointless and hold no value. Society took that away from us and God gave it back. Something the world had taken from us was restored. We learned the true meaning of marriage and how God intended it to be. After 6 years and 9 months we became one.
I’m a better wife today. I’m a better friend, better daughter, better mother and now can be a better sister because of the decision I made to follow Christ. My love is intentional. I care more. I value people. I have purpose again. With all the chaos in the world around me I can stand still knowing God is in control. It brings me peace the world could never give me. It’s exactly what I was looking for that day in the car.
I’m nowhere perfect and never will be but I’m becoming perfect in who God wants me to be. And that’s something I want for everyone. To know they have purpose. To know that there is more to life than what this world tries to give us. It can’t be seen, it can’t be touched, but you can FEEL it. The best things in life can’t be seen but they hold the most value. Before Christ I was too focused on the things I could see. A nice car and nice job with weekends off were supposed to fulfill me. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t satisfied. Those things pretend to be the bread of life. Their only temporarily happiness. They don’t satisfy for long. Their nice to have but they don’t hold much value. WE ARE VALUABLE. WE ARE THE FULFILLMENT. We are God’s masterpiece. Everything I ever needed has been right here with me. GOD. He is the one who satisfies. He is the fulfillment. He is our creator. He was the Joy I was searching for. He really is the bread of life.
Just to be clear I am not talking about depression or mental health. This is very different then what I’m referring to. Those things need to be handled in a professional setting and nothing is wrong with that. If you are depressed please seek the help that you need.
Have you ever been driving somewhere for a period of time, get to your destination and realize you have no idea how you got there? Or what about you walk into the kitchen to do something and forget what it was you were doing when you got there? Have you ever done something just mindlessly, realizing you’ve just been spaced out for a long period of time? Way too often this happens to me. Way too often at the end of my day I look back on my day and can’t remember much of what I’ve done, because majority of it was like I was in a ‘zombie state’.
I can’t speak for anyone else of why this happens, but I will speak for myself. This bothers me. Not because I spaced out for a little bit but because I know when I evaluate my whole day, looking back on it, I wasted my day. I took that day for granted as if I was certain I would see tomorrow. To be honest not much of anything was going on up there in my brain. Even worse, I didn’t have much emotion. I just went through the motions not really feeling much of anything. And I am not okay with that. How many of you have lived your lives like that? Empty space is the same as having negativity in the mind. Having nothing going up there in your mind is as bad as having the wrong thoughts in your mind too. We have to decide to fill up our brains with knowledge. We have to be INTENTIONAL! We can’t get anywhere in life without it. We have to decide what we want to fill our minds with for the day and to be very honest social media has stopped us from doing it. Social media allows us to look at other peoples lives and see what they are doing and focus on everybody else but ourselves! Almost everyday I am frustrated with my kids because I often feel like they don’t know how to use their imaginations anymore. It’s like social media has taken that away from them. They love to get on YouTube or ticktock and watch other kids live their lives. And do not mistake my parenting, my children get one hour a day for tablets. One hour! And that’s if they do their chores and do what they are supposed to do, but they do not spend a lot of time in front of technology. YouTube isn’t even allowed in my house, due to the damage I seen being done to my kids. I believe social media has caused a lot of empty space in our brains. Constantly being connected to our phones has taken our creativity away, and if it’s not managed properly it does more damage than good.
How do we get out of these zombie mind states and take back the life that belongs to us. UNPLUG! It’s hard isn’t it? It’s so natural for us to grab our phone and MINDLESSLY get on Facebook without even thinking about it. DELETE THE APP! I promise, it will be there when your ready to return to it. It’s time to start focusing on you. Hey, if you don’t have a problem with this issue, then I will gladly talk to myself. I have this issue. I love staying in contact with my friends and family, i love seeing what everybody is doing, but it has hurt me more than done good and it’s time I do something about it. At the end of the day my kids are watching. They are seeing how I handle life. I have to show them healthy ways to do that.
As a mother for sure, I can say that I neglect myself often. Majority of my time goes to my family without even realizing it. As women this is who we are naturally. We are nurturing, we sacrifice and we often give too much to others who don’t give it back in return. My empty mind often comes from this. My motherly duties everyday that i have to do, like washing the dishes, clean the house, give the kids bath, make dinner, not to mention work, often takes up a lot of my time and it’s easy for me to get in the zombie mind state. It’s easy for nothing to be going on up there in my mind because I’m too busy doing the same daunting task day after day. I know someone feels me. It’s our job to make those daunting tasks new everyday. It’s our job to still find joy in those daunting tasks. Because at the end of the day somebody out here in the world can’t do those daunting tasks. They don’t have the energy to get up and do the dishes, or somebody out there, wish they could get up to cook. Your pain is someone else’s blessing and let’s not forget that.
Tomorrow wake up with purpose! Wake up ready to start the day! Wake up thanking God for another day! Don’t check social media the moment you open your eyes! Focus on you! Be intentional! Think about what you’re thinking about. You decide what day you will have! Don’t have a empty mind. Fill your mind with love and positiveness. Do something different today. You’ll be surprised how better you feel at the end of the day and tomorrow. Take control of your life. None of this happens all at once, it’s one day at a time. Put it the work! You deserve it. You are worthy! You have value! You are a victor, not a victim!
What happens in one generation often repeats itself in the next. The choices one generation makes will always affect the next generation to come.
Oftentimes we don’t realize the power our family has on our lives. We often think we are acting upon our own decisions but in all reality we are really repeating our family’s history from generations before. It’s crucial to reflect HONESTLY on our families history and decide what’s healthy and what’s not. We look at our families NOT TO POINT OUT FLAWS but to get a realistic picture so we can grow and to heal no longer allowing those unhealthy traits to hold us back.
Some common patterns we see happening from one generation to the next are:
-cut offs in relationships
-unhealthy communication skills
-incarceration(this is another topic!)
The list goes on and on!
I’ve familiar with all of these and I’ve had to work on a lot of generational curses that have been passed down to me and I continue to do so. One of the hardest ones I continue to battle with is communication. Growing up I didn’t see healthy and effective communication. I didn’t see my family having a conflict and working to find a solution. Once a conflict arises, it often led to yelling, violence or avoidance. Either way it never got settled. We all know we can’t cut off everybody we disagree with and if we do, it’s not healthy. We were meant to do life together with people and to live in unity. (Easier said than done I know.) We have to VALUE the people in our lives and fight for the people we love. Way too often lack of communication shows up between my fiance and I because we are learning how to develop that skill still. Learning how to address our problems, realizing it’s okay to have conflict and MAKING TIME to discuss the problem is key.
I think about what unhealthy traits am I passing onto my children. Will my children struggle in their relationships because they never learned how to handle conflict in a healthy way? That’s not something I want to pass on!
I was a teen mom. That wasn’t new for my family, my mother was a teen mom as well. I wasn’t ready to be a mother in high school, so of course I had no idea how to love my child the way she deserved to be loved. We struggled in many ways in the beginning and whether I like to admit it or not, that will have an affect on her. She practically watched me become and adult! Do I want my child to be a teen mom? NO! I didn’t break the cycle but I know that the cycle has to end here.
You didn’t have control over your parents repeating that generational cycle with you, but YOU HAVE THE POWER TO BREAK IT. I can say this with nothing but confidence and certainty because I’m consciously choosing to do just that everyday. Let’s stop blaming our parents for the decisions they’ve made and at the same time continuing to make the same choices because we think we have no choice!
Breaking the generational cycle isn’t easy but it can be done. We have to be intentional! Be intentional about your future! Be aware of what your passing on to the next generation. It really is life or death. It’s never too late to start. Let’s teach our children’s children how to have actual victory in their lives and not keep falling victim to the pain of the past.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.”
Anybody compare their selves to other people? Like a lot? I wish I could say I didn’t but half the time I don’t even realize that I’m doing it. I’ll tell you now…I have not won complete victory over this one but I’m working on it..and will not stop until I do. Comparing is very common these days since we have SO MUCH access to other peoples lives nowadays. We have so many social media apps so we can see what every person is doing ALL the time…and if we’re not careful…seeing what other people are doing…ends up crossing over to a dangerous place where we compare our lives to theirs…deciding if our life is worthy enough as the next person.
I’m writing this blog for myself mainly, as well to anybody who feels my struggle. I’m flat out tired of it to be honest. I’m tired of doing it to myself because it does ABSOLUTELY nothing but bring me misery at the end of the day.
Here is how my comparing usually goes, I see someone pretty(immediately think she’s prettier than me) and wish I had her face structure or her eyes…whatever it is…and start to compare it to my face structure or eyes and start to hate my own self in the process. This thought process happens in a matter of seconds before I’ve even realized that I’ve done it. The only thing I do realize is I hate myself and don’t even know why. I’m unaware that I’ve just caused my own pain. Another way I compare is I see someone with a nice car or nice house and immediately compare their journey to mine, trying to figure out where did I go wrong in my life all because I don’t have what they have. Or I see somebody on Facebook who’s on vacation with their family posting pictures, looking like their having a great time and wonder why my family never looks that happy. You get my point, the cycle is HORRIBLE! The destruction to my own self is horrible.
Like everything else in our lives, we have to start with the root cause of “why” we start comparing in the first place. Well first of all it’s human nature to look to others to measure our own success. The problem isn’t that we look to others for inspiration, the problem arises when we try to duplicate someone else’s life. We immediately forget that we are not the same. Yes we are both humans, everything else is made up differently. So how do we stop this self destruction?
LOVE YOURSELF-I’ll be honest, I’m still working on this. We can’t ever have victory if we don’t master this! I’m stuck with me. Regardless if I like it or not, wishing does nothing. I have to start loving myself, flaws and all. That’s the flat out truth. One exercise I do is for every one bad thought I have about myself, I replace it with two positive thoughts. Loving yourself is a process that takes time butcannotbe ignored.
KNOW WHO YOU ARE-There are so many different influences and voices in today’s society. If we do not have a strong sense of identity and worth, society will decide for us. We have to ask ourselves, why do we want this, and why are we pursuing it. If you don’t know who you are, it’s time to ask yourself “What do i value?” “What are my beliefs?” “What do I want?”
GRATITUDE-If we don’t have any of this…then we will definitely compare EVERYTHING about our life to someone else’s. I like to take some time to look at my life and realize how blessed I am…even just the smallest things. There is absolutely ALWAYS something to be grateful for.
TOO MUCH SOCIAL MEDIA?
Social media came along to help us keep in touch with loved ones and friends for long distance reasons as well as to just share your life with other people. If you notice though, we barely are showing the “raw unclean version” of our lives. It’s mainly showing people the “ideal” life that we want to portray. The “pretty” version of our lives. We don’t see the ugly everyday life part of things…the daily struggle or the effort and commitment it took someone to get to the prize…we just see the prize.
Something that really helps me to stop comparing is TAKING A BREAK FROM SOCIAL MEDIA!!!! Yep i said it! Get off of it! Take a week..take a month..IT IS OKAY to take a break from social media. It’s okay to prioritize yourself. We need to prioritize ourselves! Social media will be there when you return.
Let’s decide right now, that we are no longer going to compare ourselves to anybody else. And when we do(which we will) lets become aware of our thoughts so we can avoid them.
At the end of the day…we only have our own life. Let’s start investing in it! Let us have victory in truly knowing who we are…and not falling victim to what society tries to tell us who we should be.
Let me just start off by saying I am not a expert on anxiety or mental health. I’m only giving my experience on the matter.
Believe me when i say….
I barely overcame this one. Or at least that’s how it felt. Anxiety is one of those things where you’re not sure if you ever overcome it. I’m saying today that I have overcome it, but who’s to say it won’t come back? If you’ve never suffered from anxiety then I’d imagine you don’t know what I mean but if you have..you know the feeling all too well.
I had anxiety for a week or so. Paralyzing my life. It followed me around everywhere. The harder I tried to fight it, the harder it stuck around. The cycle wouldn’t stop. Around and around I went with me and my anxiety. My anxiety came as the thought of “I’m going to die” or “if I think about dying long enough I will” So I started trying to control my life…literally. Like I was in charge of my life. Like somehow if I tried hard enough I could hang on to my own life. All day long I would feel like I’m going to die and at the same time fighting myself not to die. Looking back at it, makes no sense to a sane person, but perfect sense to the person who has lost their sanity. This went on for a week. At work, at home, everything I did I was holding on to my own life at every second. Reality was long gone. I couldn’t stop. Sleep was the only break I got from it, when it did let me sleep. And of course It was there waiting for me as soon as I woke up and the cycle started all over again.
UNTIL….you’ve have enough. Until your mind says..LET IT GO!
UNTIL..you become exhausted from fear and decide to let whatever is going to happen…happen. AND THEN NOTHING HAPPENS!
besides all of the symptoms that come with anxiety of course. Everyone’s symptoms are different of course, but mine consisted of…
heart beating out of my chest
tightness of chest
manually breathing for myself(no longer came natural)
brain fog(felt outside of myself)
brain going haywire(questions in my head that made absolutely no sense)
I knew that I could no longer keep this to myself. I was scared for my life and I knew I had to talk to somebody about it. You do not have to go through this alone, and you shouldn’t! When you have anxiety, your mind definitely starts playing tricks on you, and it helps to talk to someone who is thinking logically to tell you…that’s not logical!
So what caused my anxiety?..
That one little word with a big meaning. It starts off small and turns to big things. I can’t say exactly when I started trying to control everything. I assume it started one day by cleaning the house. lol. You know the feeling of a clean house… I cleaned the house, did the dishes, made the beds and when my job was complete, the mission was fulfilled. CONTROL. It must of been a satisfying result that I liked. A feeling of my work here is done. All of that was good except for the fact that I have a family who like to come and LIVE in the house. My family, the people I love had no space for my little bubble of control. My house was perfect. Can’t you guys see how hard I’ve worked?
Looking back on my anxiety, this has been going on for years. Years of trying to keep everything in my control. Years of trying to make everything perfect. And I realized for the first time, I had zero control on this thing called life. Of course I never did, but I had the illusion that I did.
It’s funny, if you know me than me and my control issue probably isn’t such big news. Regardless it’s something that I had to realize for myself.
I think that my anxiety was always there, I just didn’t know it. Until something spins out of control in my mind, where I felt like I could no longer handle the situation…and that’s when it showed up!
How did I overcome anxiety?…
I like to mention that I am med free. I never went to a doctor. That was just my experience, not that either of those aren’t options, they definitely should be.
The BIGGEST thing that helped me was talking about it. Which by the way was the scariest thing because I didn’t want people to think I was crazy! Talking to someone that you can trust and know they will listen to you and take you seriously is important.
Also my faith. I’m a big believer in Christ and at the end of the day, my life is in His hands. That brings me peace knowing I have a Creator who has ALL control.
Identifying the root cause of my anxiety. I had to look within myself and ask myself, “What are you afraid of?” “What is causing the anxiety?” If you’re not sure of why your having anxiety then it’s hard to really get to the root of why you’re having it in the first place because THERE IS A REASON, and it needs to be addressed.
Making sure to have time with myself. I looked up several breathing exercises online as well to help me calm down..
Lastly, anxiety is a progress thing..meaning sometimes its a day by day challenge. It’s changing your negative thoughts, it’s being kind to yourself and being patient with yourself. Sometimes it comes every other day or once a week, and then one day..you look back and you realize you haven’t had anxiety in awhile. You can and you will get through this. More importantly you are not alone. I am and will continue to have VICTORY over anxiety and you can too…one day at a time.